look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
