I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
