You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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