loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
