we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
