He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You ruined the universe
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
