I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
