I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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