Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
tell me about the eggs
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
