He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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