She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
