I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
