you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
