I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
