i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
