I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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