Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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