his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
