I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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