Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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