i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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