The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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