Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
