Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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