I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
