I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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