i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
