He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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