I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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