I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
