You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
