you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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