I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Boobs speak an international language.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
