You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
BRING THE BAGELS
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
