Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
