I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
