I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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