Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Pants are for mortals
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
