It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
