I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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