So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
