if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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