I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
