So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
