I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
