Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He passed out mid-signature
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
