all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
