Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
