i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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