So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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